personal stuff

frustrationI know. I know. In the nine years since starting this blog I’ve never been this inconsistent posting. But really, every time I think I’m getting my feet on the ground, life knocks them right out from under me and straight on my @$$ !

A little over five years ago, Mr. Nina lost his job at a hospital in northern Maine where he’d worked for 22 years. No problem. I had really been wanting to move for a very long time. I was tired of living in the willy-wags in the middle of nowhere, where the most excitement came from my weekly trip to Wally-world for grocery shopping and social time (because everyone was shopping)!
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MH900313820I can’t let today go by without telling everyone how fortunate I am to have such a wonderful mom. She raised 5 children (each of us a year apart … you do the math … FIVE teenagers! And she survived!) She’s been wonderful as I’ve become a mom. She hangs back until we ask for advice and then gently shares her wisdom. Mom lives far away from me and though we don’t talk on the phone very often, I think about her every day.

But 28 years ago when I married Mr. Nina another wonderful mom came into my life. I’m so fortunate to have someone else who loves me unconditionally, supports and encourages. I truly am doubly blessed.

Though my life is in complete turmoil, these two women have stepped forward to do what they can to bring order to the chaos. They both bring me to tears every day and I don’t think they realize how much their love and support has meant over the past few months as the bottom tumbled out of our world.

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I also have three beautiful children, one love-sick son-in-law whom I adore and a cute-as-a-button-never-stops-running grandson.

I have a trunk full of all the cards and little goodies my children made for me when they were little and though it is in storage at the moment, the memories never fade. Little Boy Blue (who’s now 22) made me a hand pressed in plaster that hangs from a pretty ribbon. Beautiful Girl (now 24) made me a clay mask of her face in second grade and painted it all kinds of whimsical colors. Baby Girl (who’s now a mom) weaved a yarn thingy that fits just perfectly over my body moisture bottles that sit on my bureau. There are countless gifts of weaved baskets, clay pots, and a wooden treasure chest … all gifts my children made and gave to me on Mother’s Day. They are more precious to me than all my fine jewelry.

Now that they’re older, my children give me gifts of words. Hallmark cards scrawled with a little note at the end, loving words from the heart that make me cry. Every. Time.

And despite all the other #%@^ of my life … all these things I hold onto ever so dearly and realize how truly blessed I am. I know many of my blog readers have moms looking down on them from heaven. The reminder that everyone’s days are number makes me appreciate the small gesture of love even more.

If you’re a mom … Happy Mother’s Day. And I hope this day finds you counting your blessings as well.

Whew, life has been throwing me some interesting curve balls as of late and truthfully … I haven’t handled them well.

Just about 2 1/2 years ago Mr. Nina was downsized from a job he’d had for over 20 years. Despite the blow to his ego, the change had been one that needed to happen. I was ECSTATIC to finally move out of the wilds of northern Maine. We finally sold our house in the spring of 2010 and I put all of our worldly possessions in storage and joined Mr. Nina in Rhode Island in a two-bedroom furnished apartment. I was soooo happy! We were finally only 2.5 hours from southern Maine where our families live! Life was an adventure! By late fall 5 offers on houses had fallen through FIVE! Even our realtor couldn’t figure out what was going on. In this house market you’d think we could have a couple of those for a steal. Hmmm …

Anyway, we rolled into the holidays blissfully unaware our life was going to take another turn. Right after the first of the year, Mr. Nina lost his job. (Which made me grateful someone was looking out for us and we hadn’t bought a house.) A week of unemployment turned into a month of unemployment turned into a winter then spring then a summer of unemployment turned into 10 months of unemployment. It was rough going to say the least, but we managed.

Then in October Mr. Nina landed a job in Vermont and off we went back into the wild woods. Not quite off the beaten path, bet definitely not the quick-paced life of Rhode Island I’d come to enjoy. (Hey, 20 years in the middle of nowhere of northern Maine had left me with a lot of civilization to catch up on!)

I’m sitting now in a rented home with all of my things out of storage, but still in boxes as we’re in the process of building a handicapped accessible home a couple of towns over from where we are living. All of this is great, but it’s left me in a little bit of a tailspin without the ability to plant my feet on solid ground.

Hence the lack of blogging. Lack of keeping up with social media. Lack of writing.

But there seems to be light shining from somewhere. I’m hoping within the next couple of months as we get settled in our new home in our new state, that life will once again find a comfortable rhythm and words will begin to flow. I can already feel them swelling and story ideas coalescing with the warming temperatures of a January thaw.

So keep an eye out for me. I might have been down for the count, but I was never out. Thanks so much for sticking with me and continuing to read my books in 2012. I’m looking for bigger and better things in 2013!

This picture says it all about the state of my life right now. Mr. Nina and I had hoped 2012 would turn the corner of our transition phase and we would finally be able to get settled. Weeeellll, let me just tell you, it’s only managed to become more complicated and unpredicatble in the last couple of days.

Now, I consider myself a “go with the flow” kind of woman. And even in the last 18 months when we’ve been bumping over the rocky bed of white water that has become our life, we managed to stay fluid and bob along in the ebb and flow of a wild ride. But it’s getting more crazy and unpredictable even as I write this post.

The end of the year brought the wonderful blessing of our first grandchild. We were fortunate enough to be with our daughter when she brought our grandson into the world. He’s beautiful isn’t he? Okay, so I may be a little bias when it comes to how wonderful he is. Unfortunately, we worry about the situation our daughter has chosen to live in, but she’s an adult and all we can do is let her know every day how much we love her. She’s got a hard road to haul and no matter how much parents would like to make the road easier for their children, that isn’t the way of life lessons, is it?

Our oldest daughter also got engaged before Christmas and is looking to getting married this year. We love her fiance and know they that will be amazing together. But seriously? A wedding? Okay … add that to the to-do list!

I also turned 50 on the New Year. The number itself doesn’t bother me so much as it surprises the hell out of me! I remember celebrating my parents’ 50th birthdays. Hard to believe I’m now celebrating my own. I had just thought by the time Mr. Nina and I reached this milestone we would be settled in our lives. But, with the exception of when our children were brand new babies, our lives are the most chaotic they’ve ever been!

And now, ANOTHER wrench has been thrown into the cogs our lives and as I write this I’m not sure what the next chapter looks like. I’m trying to stay upbeat, but it’s getting really hard when we’re just not seeing how things are going to turn around at this point in our lives. *sigh* Now the pressure is on for me to really push forward my writing. It’s time for something to work for us!

Sorry for the rambling post … but there you have it. All you ever really didn’t need to know about the current state of my life! 😉