I am happy to welcome Dr. Charley Ferrer, a world renowned Clinical Sexologist and the only Latina Doctor of Human Sexuality in the United States. She is the award winning author of The Latina Kama Sutra, The W.I.S.E. Journal for the Sensual Woman, and The Passionate Latina: In our own words.
Her TV Talk Show, Pleasure is the FIRST bi-lingual show on relationships and sexuality. Pleasure was nominated for Best TV Talk Show by BronxNet in New York City in 2007 and nominated for the Alliance Community Media—Northeast Region Award in 2008.
I’m often asked to explain what BDSM is and why people engage in this seemingly intense behavior. First I think it’s important to understand what BDSM actually stands for. It’s an acronym for Bondage, Disciple, Sadomasochism. However within the lifestyle it’s also accepted as a part of identifying the Power Exchange and Dominance and submission relationships. Individuals who embrace a Master/slave relationship do not consider themselves part of the BDSM mentality however do consider themselves part of the community. The fact is that there are various levels of BDSM, from the pleasure seeker who wants a little kink with his sex before he runs home to his wife/girlfriend, to the adrenaline junkie (major pain slut) who wants to push himself as far as he can go (think in vanilla terms those extreme sports guys/gals), to those that actually embrace Dominance and submission as a way of life; and even further, to those individuals who embrace a Master/slave relationships and live it 24/7.
Contrary to popular belief, BDSM is not merely about Whips and chains. In many instances, toys are never used as the individuals, both Dominant and submissive, are interested in “service” and a spiritual and/or emotional connection. Also keep in mind that some Dominants do not use impact toys (Whips, Floggers, Paddles) to enforce their dominance but use a psychological impact–even Fear Play—never once laying a hand on the submissive. There are also those Dominants/Masters/Mistresses who use humiliation and extreme control, again never once lifting a finger. Plus many BDSM relationships don’t involve sexual contact. I can go on and on in this topic however I’m sure you are getting the idea of how intricate and diverse the world of BDSM is.
There are safeguards within the community and between individuals interacting. This is where negotiations come into play as the participants decided what will be used turning their interactions (ie: Paddles, Whips, humiliation, sexual contact/penetration, etc). These interactions acceptable for someone you’re just meeting or are learning to interact with, however , there are NO negotiations when someone is a slave or property and already belongs to their Master/Mistress. At that point, the Owner decides what’s acceptable and what the slave/submissive will tolerate.
If you consider exploring this uniquely erotic and intensely stimulating world for yourself (whether as a writer or merely a participant) I would recommend joining a local BDSM organization in your area to learn some of the basics and learn how to Play safe. After all, no one jumps into a shark tank without at least knowing how to swim. *smiles*
I believe that as an adult, it’s your right to explore all avenues of your sensuality, of educating yourself to become the best lover you can be—the best writer. You go to school and workshops to become the best at your chosen career, why not educate yourself in a field that will be with you forever?
As for writers, it’s paramount to keep in mind that some individuals may be experiencing their first taste of BDSM and Dominance/submission through your books. If the reader identifies within this unique mindset and has no other clue as to what it’s about, your book becomes the judge of whether they’re “normal or not”. And Kinksters who read your book(s) appreciate seeing themselves portrayed in a respectful light and the villains and pathological behavior distinguished from those who practice D/s with love, respect and honor.
My books: BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH and BDSM FOR WRITERS opens the door, pulls back the Leather Curtain, and shows you the truth about what Dominance and submission really is. How individuals who embrace this lifestyle do so in a very respectful and affectionate manner. These books provide you with information on the various levels of intensity within the community. Everything from light spanking to someone/couples who go to the extreme; just as within vanilla relationships where some individuals/couples are quiet or mundane and others love the thrill of bungee jumping off bridges. (Vanilla—anyone who isn’t into BDSM.)
The books debut August 2011 in eBook and paperback form and are currently available for Pre-Order. Reserve your copy today and join our LIGHTENING BRIGADE—this is what I affectionately call the first 300 people to purchase a copy of my book. With your Pre-Order you’ll receive a $500 Digital Erotic Art Collection from Captured Erotica absolutely FREE. Plus you’ll be entered to win several fun kinky prizes and one mundane one.
Before I say goodbye, I want to take a moment to thank Nina for allowing me to share this time with you. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how wonderful her stories are. I’d love to chat a little more about BDSM with you today and I welcome your questions and comments. If you’re an author (published/unpublished) sign up for my workshops being offered through Savvy Authors in August to learn how to enhance your novels and discover many secrets used within the lifestyle. For non-writers, I recommend my book BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH which is a wonderful resource to understanding what is at the heart of you or your partner’s desires; and/or as I mentioned earlier, allow you to enhance your sensual knowledge even if you decide Dominance and submission is not for you. And before I forget, enter to win a copy of my book (winner’s choice); all you have to do is ask a question or leaves a comment.
*** CONTEST IS CLOSED ***
Congratulations to Karenna Colcroft
winner of Dr. Charley’s Book