Men

Mr. Nina often asks me if there’s an owner’s manual for me. LOL! I wish. Not that he’d ever read it, I mean come on, he’s a guy. But still, there are some things I tell him, that he still doesn’t quite understand. In no particular order, here’s a list of things women wish men would understand:
couple with MusicLarge
1. Unless there are bones, blood or sex involved never interrupt a woman’s first cup of coffee (or tea)… her bath.. or the last chapter of her book.

2. A hamper is a thing… not an area of the bedroom.
 
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You can never have too many sexy men posted on a blog … especially when they’re wearing kilts. Enjoy ladies. ūüėČ

1. The origin of the kilt is hotly debated … somewhere around the 16 or 1700’s depending on who you believe. But there’s no doubt woman are celebrating its introduction to the world!

 
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I love summer and though the calendar says it’s over, the weather in New England continues to stay hot. And I love it! All that steamy heat means shirts must come off! *fans face* What better way to cool off those hot bodies than with a little cooling water? So, with the help of a google search of wet, sexy men … I bring you 13 pieces of delectable eye candy. And as if their hot bodies weren’t sizzling enough … well I threw them all in a little bit of water for you. And because I think I should … I’ll share with you few water/rain facts. (Aren’t I nice making this a science lesson and all?)

1. Roughly 70 percent of an adult’s body is made up of water. And roughly 95% of women think it looks better on the outside.

(Jake Gyllenhaal)

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This is a little something I tripped over this week in my inbox. I thought you might enjoy a little¬†humor about life (okay, mostly about women and sex¬†… which is why I find them so amusing.)

1. “Ah yes, divorce from the Latin meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
Robin Williams

rilassamento in un centro benessere2. “You know ‘that look’ that women get when they want sex? Yeah, me neither.”
Steve Martin

3. “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner,¬†you’d better have a good hand.”
–Woody Allen

4. “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for¬†having a date on Saturday night.”
–Rodney Dangerfield

5. “Having sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
–George Burns

6. “Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.”
–Sharon Stone
 
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I was listening to yet another famous single woman being interviewed on¬†television today. When asked what she was looking for in a man she replied, “a sense of humor.” Is she kidding? Does she not date men? Does she not have any brothers, nephews, uncles, cousins, or male friends?

Because, in my experience, asking for a man with a sense of humor is like asking for washing machine with a rinse cycle or a new car complete with four tires. Humor comes standard on most male models. I mean really.

And it’s not the kind of humor I get. My teenage son watches Red/Green, The Simpsons, Arrested Development, Family Guy, and a host of other programs and just howls with laughter. Me? I watch them and think meh… amusing, but not… roll on the floor, split a gut, or even gaffaw kind of funny. I’ve never even made it through a whole Three Stooges movie–and I’ve tried. At hubby’s request, I sat next to him trying to laugh at all the slapstick humor. Didn’t happen.

On another occasion hubby¬†and¬†brother-in-law¬†watched the same home video of one of their friends slamming into the camera at his wedding–for hours! They laughed just as hard the 87th time it replayed as they did the first time they saw it. Huh? When I was young I used to sit with my older brother and watch the Road Runner cartoon, just to listen to him laugh. And I giggled at his obvious delight in the coyote’s mishaps. But did I get it? Nope.

Now, just so you don’t think I’m without a funnybone… I do find¬†a lot of things very funny. I love the movie Big. Tom Hanks plays¬†a thirteen year old in an adult body… when he pushes caviar off his tongue¬†at a dinner party… I just¬†crack up–everytime! It’s one of my all time¬†favorite scenes. Or the scene in The Grinch when the sleigh is headed down the mountain and poor Max the dog ends up on the back and the Grinch¬†turns around and the dog waves and shrugs his shoulders… makes me smile just remembering. And don’t even get me started on I Love Lucy, because¬†there isn’t an episode that doesn’t make me laugh out loud. ¬†

So what’s my point? Well, if you had just one wish to make your guy perfect, I just don’t think you should be wasting it on humor. It’s already there. They’re hard wired with it! Romance, kindness, bedroom eyes, need I say more? Pick something from the dessert¬†side of the menu! Why would you ask for more veggies when it already comes with the main course? I’m just saying…

I think finding the right profession for my heroes is one of the toughest jobs. (Get the pun?) I mean there are stories like “Deceive Her With Desire” or “A Touch of Lilly” where a profession like being an alphabet guy just flows naturally from the plot. But sometimes that’s just not the case.

In my novella,¬†Divine Deception, Nicholas Gradin is a chemical engineer. It just seemed to be a natural offshoot of growing up on a vineyard and learning to mix wines. And although I think he’s pretty irrisistable, an engineer in and of itself just isn’t sexy.
But I have to say there are just some heroes I can’t resist:

*
Bartenders
Cowboys
Firefighters
Demons (Fallen Angels)
Vampires

They just scream alpha to me. Totally in charge. Totally ready to square off with a fiesty heroine and rock her world.

So what about you? Are there any heroes that make your knees go weak just because of their day job?

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WELCOME! I’m so happy you found your way here. This weekend, over 40 authors are offering fun, and prizes and lots of sexy spring love in our “Fool for Love” blog hop. If you’ve stumbled upon my blog without finding your way to the “bus”, then click HERE to join in all the fun and see what fun other authors are offering.

Since writers are always looking for the hero that will grab a reader by the heart, I’m wondering what romance hero tugs at your heartstrings every time …

1. Cowboys are one of my favorite heroes. Just a few weeks ago one of those sexy men walked into my dreams and decided perhaps I should write a series set out west. Who doesn’t like a sexy man in a hat and chaps and a reeeeaally slow smile and eyes just for you?

2. And who can resist a man in (or out) of uniform? Like say … a fireman? My vampire firefighter, Reese Colton in SHADOWS OF FIRE is one of those sexy men you want showing up at your house, but not when he’s on duty … maybe just a social call?

Buff FiremanXSmall

3. Oh, yeah … why choose one hero when two can be so much naughtier! I’ve never written a book with twin heroes … but seriously … why not?

4. *sigh* That durn horse of mine is always running off and the neighbor is such a hero for bringing¬†him back. I’m a lucky gal! (Actually, I call that good training!)

5. My favorite hero is that alpha male with soft gooey center only the heroine sees, like Cole Takoda in my SHIFTING BONDS series. This wolf shifter is both the police chief and the keeper of the heroines heart … what more could a woman want? Tattoos are just a nice perk.

6. And this guy is so bad … you know he’s going to be really goooood! That scars tells me he’s wounded and ready for some healing. He reminds me of Dallas Sawyer, the futuristic FBI agent in my sexy m√©nage A TOUCH OF LILLY
Dallas
7. When I’m feeling down, I would love to have a musician to sing to me. Damon Corey in BLIND HER WITH BLISS is a concert pianist who pays the bills as a bad boy shock jock. *sigh* Yeah, that’s a lethal combination!
BL Couple
8. And when you’ve had enough of the city, a hero like Nicholas Gradin from DIVINE DECEPTION will take you for a ride on his motorcycle through the vineyards of New York to forget all your troubles.
NicholasXSmall

9. Puh-lease, you didn’t think one of my badboy heroes wouldn’t be wearing a kilt? Have you ever visited my blog?
scottish kilt guys

10. I grew up on the coast of Maine. I love the beach. And a man bare foot¬†and bare chested in just jeans walking at the beach … oh yeah, it makes my knees weak every time! Rainmaker, the FBI agent in my novel IN HIS EYES spends a lot of time hunting down a serial killer on the beach.
paul_logan_01

11. And then there’s a hero like Jonathon Brierton in MAID FOR MASTER, the real estate magnate who will push you to limits you didn’t think you’d enjoy … ūüėČ
Bondage women

12. What fun is a romance without a hero who makes himself comfortable while he’s waiting for his woman to come home?
a man's place is in the kitchen

Now get out the Windex and paper towels and clean off the monitor and your keyboard. I only offer the eye candy and prizes, you need to clean the drool up off your own chin! LOL!

So what type of romance hero is your can’t-resist-must-read-because-he-makes-your-knees-weak-and-your-heart-race-and-make-you-seek-out-your-man-must-buy-the-book hero? Curious writers want to know.

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When I was in high school I was very active in drama. (I know … such a surprise right? LOL!) When I was on stage I got to become anyone. A fat Russian spy. A traveling dancer entertaining a MASH unit. A woman married to a murderer. I loved it!

Being an author is a lot like acting on stage. When I write a scene I crawl into the skin of that character. Burrow into their heads and think like them. And I really enjoy writing from the man’s point of view (POV). Many female authors I read are very good at creating flawed male characters who rise above their pain and backgrounds to save the world and fall in love.

And I started thinking about this. Why are women so good at this? I think it’s because we’ve spent so much of our lives studying the opposite sex. It starts at a young age with our dads. When I wanted something–to borrow the car or stay out past curfew–I knew when to ask my dad and when not to broach the subject. I also grew up with three brothers. There’s a lot you learn with three male siblings as they go about their days just doing guy things.

I realize not every writer grew up with their dad or male siblings. But it doesn’t matter your home life, every day we interact with others. From the playground to the classroom to the office, we connect with both sexes. And since most women are intuitive, we pick up on little nuances of behavior that most men don’t see or recognize. Writers simply learn how to extrapolate that information and turn it into a believable hero readers fall in love with.

Here are a few guidelines in writing a male POV:
Men aren’t complicated
– They don’t say one thing and mean another
– They don’t mask their thoughts
– They are what you see

Men are Visual
– They have better light detection and depth perception
– Conversations often stem from visual cues
– Sexual attraction starts with what he’s seeing

Men are Problem Solvers
– They are “doers” not “thinkers”
– They like being in charge (or think they are)
– They rarely admit being wrong (and it’s even more rare they apologize)
– They aren’t detail oriented. They prefer the big picture
– They rarely ask for opinions

Men are conservative in communication
– They speak around 7,000 words per day (Women are more around 20,000)
– Connect to the physical rather than the emotional
– Don’t use euphemisms
– They rarely listen without giving advice
– Don’t use adjectives
– Don’t enjoy small talk
– Rarely use agreeing noises (uh huh, oh yeah)

(Any major characteristics I missed?) So what about you? Do you think female writers create believable heroes who act like real men OR do they create men who act and talk the way a romance reader would want a man to act? What do you think? I’m always curious about stuff like that.

PhotobucketI love writing in my hero’s point of view. I’ve had reviewers say my female characters aren’t fully fleshed out, but more often then not, readers and reviewers love my guys.

I sometimes think much of my brain is wired like a guy. I’m visual when it comes to sexual stimulus. Not unheard of, but unusual for a woman. I love math and science. (just kidding) And I’m all about solving problems. Though unlike a guy I can multi-task and I am a good listener. LOL!

I’ve often wondered if I was a guy in another life and it’s just kind of translated over to this one. But that’s a blog for another time.

My point here is that there has been a lot of talk recently about Ellora Cave’s new line of erotica that they will be launching soon. The stories will definitely have less emphasis on the romantic relationship and much more emphasis on action, adventure and sex. I’m sure EC isn’t looking for its authors to write pornography. Not sex scene after sex scene with little rhyme or reason to the purpose of them. There will still need to be a story.

But I suspect they’re not necessarily looking for the emotional connection between characters that most women want when they’re reading erotic romance. I don’t think they’ll want the dialogue during the sexual encounters. And the descriptions of sensations should be detailed and explicit providing the visual cues without the visual.

I’m thinking of writing a story for this line. But I’m not sure how it will be received by heterosexual men. I know I can write the suspense and action, it’s just that I’m not sure if I can pull myself away from the romance aspect enough to create a story men will enjoy. I mean, I’m not even sure what I would do with the lovers if they didn’t end up at least with a “happy-for-now” ending. Hmmm, that’s interesting. How do men want the stories to end? With a detective that’s just a free wanderer? Or with a pretty steady girlfriend?

And then there’s the question of whether or not men will even buy sexy books written by women.

What do you think? Would your significant other buy an erotic story that’s not really porn, but a super sexy action novel? Because you know me, I’m always curious about stuff like that.

This blog originally ran in December 2008. But I love it so much (and I’m really trying to get some writing done) I thought I’d share them with you again …

I got these little ditties in an email from a friend. I laughed so hard I couldn’t resist sharing them with you. (And I even added a few of my own to make a round thirteen.)

1. He said, “I don’t know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it.
She said, “You wear pants, don’t you?”

2.¬†¬†He said, “Shall we try switching positions tonight?”
She said, “That sounds great! You stand by the dryer while I sit on the couch and fart.”

3. He said, “I did the dishes!”
She said, “It was take out.”

4. He said, “What have you been doing with all the grocery money?”
She said, “Turn sideways and look in the mirror.”


5. He said, “Why don’t women blink during foreplay?”
She said, “We don’t have time.”

6. He said, “How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?”
She said, “I don’t know, it’s never happened.”

7. He said, “Why do women complain they can’t¬†find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?”
She said, “Because they all have boyfriends.”

8. He said, “The kids are in bed and there’s nothing good on tv … shall I entertain you?”
She said, “I always find it amusing when you use the vacuum cleaner.”

9. He said, “Why are married women heavier than single woman?”
She said, “Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.”

10. He said, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
She said, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”¬†

Love: Aroma — French perfume
Lust: Aroma — Brut aftershave
Marriage: Aroma — “The baby needs changing. . .”

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